Tuesday, April 26, 2011


**moved from my Mi Amore blog (October 20th, 2005 by shiksa-08)

Punk855 Why is it that some people tend to use other people to satisfy themselves? I don’t really understand why they do such a thing when those people they were using believed that in due time this person whom they consider as a "FRIEND" could still change yet they never would. No matter how hard they try, defending their friend’s sides still, it’s worthless. Nothing happens, no confrontations, no realizations, all pretensions even hates you in the end. It is true then that your best friend could also be your worst enemy. All my primary years, I’ve been so alone. Always was but now, not anymore. Finally, I’m done with that nightmare. Yet reminiscing those painful days of my youthful life just pricks the wound that I’ve been carrying all along. Even a single instance that would occur that is similar to my past, hurts me. I’ve just realized that I’m not yet healed. Seeing other people experiencing such a thing tears my heart because I know how painful it is to be in such situation. With no one to turn on to, you never know who’s true and who’s not and you thought everyone can be your friend when they’re not. You feel so cold and helpless and would end up losing your confidence and faith, believing that there would still be someone out there who wants to be your friend. When all this time you’ve tried every possible way just to find one and be one, yet still nothing happens. I’ve been through that and I’ve been bleeding myself dry caused by my unfortunate and hopeless try. Not ’til I was in my highschool, I thought I’d grow old that way, remaining friendless, unwanted, unloved yet my prophecies turned out wrong. I’ve met my friends whom I consider my barkadas, yet there was this time during my 1st yr HS that I’ve met my bestfriend, Jo Marie, I always thought then that she’s the one but then I was soul-stricken when I found out the next yr that she didn’t enroll. Remembering that the last time we’ve seen and talked was in the jeepney, our last ride together from a birthday party. I can’t believe that that was all the end of it, I’ve never heard anything from her anymore. Cellphones weren’t "in" that time, she has no landline. No chance at all. The End. Despite all that happened the remaining friends of mine helped me cope up and overcome the loneliness that I’ve felt from losing my bestfriend. I had so much hanging out with them. Slowly, I’ve felt that I’m not alone, I’ve been surrounded by my true friends. And that’s just matters to me that time. Not being alone. i’m afraid to feel that again. Never wanted to feel that again. Realizing that I never really was alone all this time, SOMEONE was out there for me. So for those who felt like a bum or a loner, don’t fret my friend, you’re not alone, look around, you’ve been surrounded. All you need to do is to be true and be a friend. You never know, the friend that you’re looking for is beside you, could be at your back or in front of you but if you found no one around, look up, He’s there. He won’t leave you, won’t backbite, won’t be a traitor, won’t despise you in the end. He was always there, all this time. You are not alone!!!