Drown Me

**moved from my Xanthippe blog (April 19th, 2006 by amor88)

I could be worst when there are words I can’t say.

I’m awakened by the miserable past that you keep on display.

I’ve been cut through deep, deep down the shadows,

the shadows on where I don’t wanna belong.

I wanna leave her ‘coz I don’t wanna make her feel suppressed, depressed,

unwanted, I ain’t worth it.

Drown me, never wanna swim. Drown me, stop this scheme,

she deserves better.

Give me some relief, the one that could vanish me,

the one that has the power to stop me from coming back.

I can’t take this anymore, can’t hurt her no more.

She deserves something better than feeling me…

than suffering from me, than loving doubtfully ‘coz of me,

than living in hell w/ me. It’s love that she deserves to feel from you…

Untitled 4

**moved from my Xanthippe blog (March 6th, 2006 by amor88)

my life is suppressed by the mystery of what will happen next to me

i can’t let it go, it excites me, never get lost, never get lost

———————————————————————————–

my bruises and wounds are digging it’s way down, creeps all over

it burning, it’s incinerating, it’s a mysterious, magical feeling

———————————————————————————–

prick me hard

punch me hard

slap me hard

’til your anger vanishes…

hug me tight

kiss me hard

fuck me hard

as you please….

lie to me

hate me

get rid of me

’til you get yourself satisfied…

and now you’re…

mortified

petrified

stupefied

by me…

Surrender to Reaper

**moved from my Xanthippe blog (January 18th, 2006 by amor88)

I - Nobody likes me and I don’t know why
Everybody loves the fact that I won’t be alright
Why don’t you rescue me from this pain that makes me high?
Take away this feeling that’s burning inside

Ref - ‘Coz I’m so out of place and I’m out of my mind
This shit is out of control, this shit is out of control

Cho. - I wanna die tonight, I cannot take this shit inside
I’m so tired of asking why, just let me die tonight

II - My uncertain life just passed me by
Lovely suicidal I’m coming tonight
Just kill me now and I won’t mind
Oh I’m dying and it feels so right

Coda: Let me die tonight(3x)

by: xanthippe

(The original title of this is Die Tonight. I already tuned it with chords.
So if given the chance to be vocalist in a band,
this’d be our first single. \m/)

Forever Man

**moved from my Mi Amore blog (August 22nd, 2007 by shiksa-08)

I love the way you look at me

It’s as if you’re filling my emptiness

I love the way you touch me

’cause even the depths of my soul feels it

From a lonely damsel, you caught me

brought into a paradise I never thought I can be

I was renewed by all the wounds I’ve caused you

I knew I love you, the day you cried

The love and passion, how we both share

The hugs and kisses, these things I can’t compare

The man I never saw before, turns out to be my forever man

Like a baby you cradled me into your arms

Only to protect me from the past that haunts me

You never asked for anything but my happiness

You always knew, that there’s light in the midst of my hopelessness

You always knew that someday, somehow I will also love you

You never left me despite the pain

And I said never to hurt you again

Because I love you, I want you to be my forever man

Love life…

**moved from my Mi Amore blog (December 21st, 2006 by shiksa-08)

At long last, i can officially and legally have my vacation without thinking that i might miss a class, a quiz, a recitation, an event. Our prelim exams, I’m so over them except for one, and that’s the bar exams….haha like we’re lawyers and all that…. nah what i’m trying to say my polsci exam. God, i thought she won’t give me a hard time in taking the exam but then it turned out she didn’t allow me to ‘coz as always, i don’t have permit again, like i’m not used to it, duh?! Now that i’ve already spent roughly 5 years in college, like it still brings me down, but nah, i’m immune to it though.haha

Week after week after the Sportfest it seemed like i got sickness one after another. The heck?! My body doesn’t seem like fighting away all the sickness i’ve been thru. I’ve lost my weight and looked all so dull not only to my eyes but to everyone’s. Grr… That’s why this vacation, I’ll really make myself bloat, haha, exaj, make myself look like what i used to be back when i still cute and cuddly (did i just make myself sound like a penguin?haha). Anyways, I’m still happy though after all the sickness, the absences, the meetings, the events, at least i’m lucky, i’m still alive! I still got my supportive friends, my all-the-usual family, my loving boo, my life. That worth all the count. Thank God for making me feel oh so alive, having all the trials, the laughters, the happiness, the river of tears. Oh it feels so right, so good and makes me to ask for more for me to grow more (not physically anyway,,,haha) and to become human.

My life ROCKS, my life’s COOL (accidentally though), my life is all i got and i’m enjoying it and spending it to the limit! Hallelujah! Amen!

Love you Jesus! Love you Gj!

Untitled 3

**moved from my Mi Amore blog (June 21st, 2006 by shiksa-08)

why when things turn so good and so lovely
you suddenly think of things that hurts you,
things that hurts me as well
when you knew i love you
why cant we just live and love
why cant you let go of the thoughts that’s
burdening you
why cant you think ill always be here for you
why cant you think that il never be gone
what can i do to make you believe
what can i do to stop you from hurting yourself
what can i do to save you from the painful what if’s
how can we go on and get strong when you allow
these lies to lurk in your head
and tear your heart apart
you even want to let me go ’cause you’re scared
yeah you’re scared, but of what?
you’re scared of the things that may happen
but will not, can never be..
if you do love me then fight it,
fight away those thoughts, it’s all a lie.
all your fake prophecies of our love..
why cant you believe in the love that
has been made strong by time, by storm,
by our intimacy, by living everyday with the feeling
growing deeply.
Is our love not enough,
Is my love not enough,
Is my sincerity not enough,
Are my tears not enough,
Are my pains not enough,
Are my transformations not enough,
For you to let it all go.
Do you want me to die for you?
’cause i can, i will, only if you ask me to
only for you to believe me and let it all go.
I love you and its growing more each day,
I love you and I’ll do anything for you.
So please…
let God be our guide,
let the pain drown,
let the bad thoughts fade away,
let LOVE be our GREATEST BOND.

I love you…I’ll never leave you….pls just BELIEVE.

Frustration Part I

**moved from my Mi Amore blog (May 26th, 2006 by shiksa-08)

This past few weeks, I was anxious of the things that’s happening to me, of the things that’s playing in my head. Distortions of which has led me to stuck into this maze again. To think I already moved on from these things. These things whenever strikes me that I simply laugh about ‘coz I thought I’m done with them. Then on I get to realize that they came but haven’t gone, haven’t lost forever, haven’t faded away. Here they are, they all came back, all of ‘em.

Untitled 2

**moved from my Mi Amore blog (April 27th, 2006 by shiksa-08)

the heck with:
the problems that’s coming in my way, or
the fights I’m scheming of winning, or
the non sense redundant words of anger and shallowness from my family, or
the come and gone of my friends, or
the headaches I’ve been getting everytime I get totally damned, or
the instances that I don’t get to see my bebeh, or
the mornings that I get myself to school w/o any money for lunch or for fare, or
the times when I’m in class then I get to realize that I haven’t done my assignment then I’d get all failed for that, or
the times when I take quizzes brainless, or
the unlimited check operator service, or
the awakening with my saliva that’s got my pillow all wet and stinky (ewe!), or
the "This connection is limited or connectivity….blah..blah..blah", or
the messy hair just as you arrived to your school’s gate, or
the confiscation of my ID ‘coz I’m wearin a MICROSOFT SLING, or

the misfortunes that happened and are about to happen to me…

I WELCOME YOU ALL, WHATEVER YOU ARE, ‘COZ I KNOW IT ALL CAME FOR A REASON.
I MAY NOT BE ABLE TO REALIZE IT FOR NOW OR LATER OR SOONER BUT I KNOW THAT I WILL UNDERSTAND IT, I WILL APPRECIATE IT, I WILL THANK GOD. ‘COZ THE BOTTOMLINE OF ALL THIS IS WE’RE HUMANS, WE’RE RATIONAL, WE’RE LUCKY, WE’RE GODSEND TO EACH AND EVERYONE THAT IS AROUD US. EVERYTHING, NO MATTER HOW BIG OR SMALL, LIVING OR NON-LIVING IT MAY BE, WE SERVE EACH OTHER WELL IN A UNIQUE WAY. EVER WONDER WHAT IT’D BE LIKE IF WE’RE ALL THE SAME? WHAT HAPPENS IS, WE’LL BE LIKE "KALABAWS" AND "KANDINGS"…HEHE… FOR REAL!
SO COME TO THINK OF IT. I’M ONE OF A KIND. EACH AND EVERYONE OF US. LIFE IS GREAT, IT IS GOOD AS WELL AS SHORT SO LIVE WISELY, ENJOY LIFE ACCORDING TO YOUR CONTENT AND IN LINE WITH GODLINESS. GOD BLESS US ALL!

This is IT

**moved from my Mi Amore blog (January 15th, 2006 by shiksa-08)

Haay naku, eto na talaga
Hinding-hindi na mapipigilan pa
Mga landas na dapat tahakin
Hayan at sa’ki’y nakatingin

Mapipigilan ba ang pag-usbong
kung siyang kinabukasan ang sumasalabong
Halimuyak nito’y humahalik sa’king pisngi
Hayan at sa’ki’y nakangiti

Ngayon pa ba ako susuko?
Na kung saa’y alam ko na kung sa’n ako tutungo
Ibinibigkas ng puso’y ang lumaban,
Hayan at ito’y pinakikinggan
Hayan at ako’y pinagmamasdan

Handa na ako sa kahit ano
Handa na’kong harapin ang kahit na sino

Sapagkat ako’y naniniwala
na kahit ang anino ng kahapon
ay hindi ako mapipinsala
Hangga’t sa aking sarili ay may tiwala

Untitled

**moved from my Mi Amore blog (December 27th, 2005 by shiksa-08)

Oh well, here i am right now nasa Panabo. I was brought here by my ever itchy and adventurous feet. I’m here with my best bud Phil to fetch our friends, Nimrod and Teddy. Spending time with these guys surely brings a whole lotta fun to me. I’m excited.

But then… Damn. I hate this. It’s just that, I can’t figure it out. This f*****g feeling is pissing the s***t in me. Grr… Why?

I’m totally pissed. I could get wild’n out but I don’t want to, I’m responsible for myself ‘coz actually I’m alone. You guys might not eventually figure out what I’m trying to make sense here ‘coz I don’t want you to. F**k! What a crap is this I’m telling anyway? Shallow damsel, get back to where you must be. Free from the shadows of your warped illusions and fears. Free from your black side who’s trying to bring back the whole damnation right in front of you. Let IT die. Drown IT with laughters and happy thoughts. Break IT’s legs so it won’t be able to swim. Try on some poisons so it would be destroying the inside instead of the outside. Because IT is inside anyway. Don’t let it ruin the outsides of you. It’s just the feeling that’s threatening you not the _ _ _ _ _ _. And the _ _ _ _ _ _, doesn’t know. Leave it that way.

Be With Me

**moved from my Mi Amore blog (December 3rd, 2005 by shiksa-08)

The sun was covered with clouds in December

Wind is very cold, I know it’s winter

Christmas is fast-approaching and everyone’s happy

Childrens are carollong everywhere, they’re so merry

Vacation has just started, have nothing to do

So bored and lonesome, I am missing you

Wondering what you’re up to today

Well I wish you’re here with me anyway

FRIEND…

**moved from my Mi Amore blog (October 20th, 2005 by shiksa-08)

Why is it that some people tend to use other people to satisfy themselves? I don’t really understand why they do such a thing when those people they were using believed that in due time this person whom they consider as a "FRIEND" could still change yet they never would. No matter how hard they try, defending their friend’s sides still, it’s worthless. Nothing happens, no confrontations, no realizations, all pretensions even hates you in the end. It is true then that your best friend could also be your worst enemy. All my primary years, I’ve been so alone. Always was but now, not anymore. Finally, I’m done with that nightmare. Yet reminiscing those painful days of my youthful life just pricks the wound that I’ve been carrying all along. Even a single instance that would occur that is similar to my past, hurts me. I’ve just realized that I’m not yet healed. Seeing other people experiencing such a thing tears my heart because I know how painful it is to be in such situation. With no one to turn on to, you never know who’s true and who’s not and you thought everyone can be your friend when they’re not. You feel so cold and helpless and would end up losing your confidence and faith, believing that there would still be someone out there who wants to be your friend. When all this time you’ve tried every possible way just to find one and be one, yet still nothing happens. I’ve been through that and I’ve been bleeding myself dry caused by my unfortunate and hopeless try. Not ’til I was in my highschool, I thought I’d grow old that way, remaining friendless, unwanted, unloved yet my prophecies turned out wrong. I’ve met my friends whom I consider my barkadas, yet there was this time during my 1st yr HS that I’ve met my bestfriend, Jo Marie, I always thought then that she’s the one but then I was soul-stricken when I found out the next yr that she didn’t enroll. Remembering that the last time we’ve seen and talked was in the jeepney, our last ride together from a birthday party. I can’t believe that that was all the end of it, I’ve never heard anything from her anymore. Cellphones weren’t "in" that time, she has no landline. No chance at all. The End. Despite all that happened the remaining friends of mine helped me cope up and overcome the loneliness that I’ve felt from losing my bestfriend. I had so much hanging out with them. Slowly, I’ve felt that I’m not alone, I’ve been surrounded by my true friends. And that’s just matters to me that time. Not being alone. i’m afraid to feel that again. Never wanted to feel that again. Realizing that I never really was alone all this time, SOMEONE was out there for me. So for those who felt like a bum or a loner, don’t fret my friend, you’re not alone, look around, you’ve been surrounded. All you need to do is to be true and be a friend. You never know, the friend that you’re looking for is beside you, could be at your back or in front of you but if you found no one around, look up, He’s there. He won’t leave you, won’t backbite, won’t be a traitor, won’t despise you in the end. He was always there, all this time. You are not alone!!!

What’s with this?! huh?!

**moved from my Mi Amore blog (October 14th, 2005 by shiksa-08)

This hot steamy afternoon i’m in just brings murkiness in me. My thoughts, my feelings, my situation, my studies, my future.

I’ve been so preoccupied lately that my brain isn’t functioning that well. Having thoughts and premonitions bout my failures and how can i ever endure such things when it’s all around. Everywhere to me. All these uncertainties have been lurking in my head all this time, making me go through diff. kinds of feelings. So weird, I can hardly figure out what I’m really up to, been through and speaking here.

Is it just me or the things around me that’s making me insane?! Grotesque it may seem to me, but the beauty behind all this is still hiding that I just can’t take a glimpse of it ’cause of its exclusiveness and not yet prepared. Why can’t I? Or am I just isolating myself from the exposure and is eventually afraid to be on such and feel as such? Why can’t I accept the reality I’m in, all the things underneath it, all the truths and facts disguised in fictions and lies? Hypocrisy, all for the sake of that are merely the things I’m surrounded by. Bull shit! what for?! Selfishness, tang-ina!!! Maniac, gago!!fuck you!! Greediness, mamatay kayong lahat!!! Conflicts, the heck!! All around, how can I swallow all these when I just can’t take a lick of it, can’t take to live with it.. Never!! So painful to think how things became this way and turned to. Where am I gonna place myself, anyway?Center? Puta!!! I’m tired of it!! Always was… never will!

What’s with this? What does all this imply? To live or to die…

To live…that’s how it’s supposed to be.

To die…i’m waiting, but not now.

I’m both hating and loving my life. 51% - loving 49% - hating…

To love….. always for the one I love, I’m gonna live for you.

I’m gonna live for you and with you… I’ll endure.

>>>And here's the comment from Bevs

In My Dreams (own composition)

**moved from my Mi Amore blog (September 16th, 2005 by shiksa-08)

Intro: A-F#m-Bm-D (2x)

I:

A F#m

I’ll always remember our intimacy,

Bm D

when we’re together we’re so clumsy

A F#m

Sometimes you were fooling me around,

Bm D

giving those jokes that makes me astound

A F#m

When I’m with you, I always pretend

Bm D

because you might never understand

A F#m

I can’t figure out what’s within me

Bm D E

if this is love or just stupidity…

Chorus:

A C#m A C#m

In my dreams you’re holding me, in my dreams you are with me

A D A D

I will always love, I will never stop

A C#m A C#m

Forever you’ll be in my heart, you’re the onre for me from the start

A D A D

I will always love, I will never stop

G E

Loving you…

II: (Same chords first verse)

He approached me and told me something

He told me I’m his everything

I was astonished for what I’ve heard

Is he acting like a stupid or a nerd?

So he said that he really loves me

and that we were meant by destiny

I’m so happy that we’re together,

we’ll be sharing our love forever… (Chorus)

Bridge:

G D C#m Bm Bb

Oh how beautiful it is to love and be loved

G D C#m Bm Bb

By someone whom you truly and devotedly love

G D C#m Bm Bb

But when I woke up, I really screamed

G D C#m Bm Bb

I’m so unfortunate that it was just a dream…(Chorus)

Shallow version of goodbye

**moved from my Mi Amore blog (September 14th, 2005 by shiksa-08)

In every good night…

….these arms doesn’t want to let go,

….this lips asks for more,

….these tears wants to fall,

….these won’t happen afterall

Oh you, shallow version of goodbye…

….long talks are to be made short,

….great moments have gone and passed by,

….now that the time is almost over

….my heart beats a million times

….i gave myself a sigh

it’s over now, it’s over now, it’s over for now…

On my diary: July 25,2004 (edited)

**moved from my Mi Amore blog (September 14th, 2005 by shiksa-08)

I was thinking bout that line, "Live every day as if thy last". What if I only got 24 hrs left in this world? What am I gonna do? How am I gonna spend it? With whom am I gonna spend it?

First of all, I want to start my day at exactly 8am and want to end it the same time the morrow. I’ll open my eyes and won’t fix up ’til I get to recall my very last dream and then I’d pray to God. I want Him to be the first one I’d talk to. Afterwards I’ll peep through my window and capture to memory every lil thing that my eyes can see. Then jump off heading to the bathroom and prepare, that includes whatever you’re thinking that’s needed to be done. Eat breakfast w/ my family and I’ll talk to them and express my gratifications. Done for this…

In short, I just wanted to be with my family and then I’ll get to see my friends and kaberks, hang out with them til dinner and thanking them for everything w/o telling them ’bout me passing away coz I don’t want to see them lonely and worst, in tears.Oops I almost forgot, before seeing my friends, I’d go to church and attend mass.After all that, I’ll be coming over to the house of my significant other,whoever it is,we don’t know just yet, and for the record,spend time with that person. Doesn’t matter what I’m gonna do there,all that matters is that I’m with IT. Maybe talk and talk til we get drowsy to sleep.

Yes, sleep in the arms of that person til my time comes. I want to die in his arms. That’s what I really want so that somehow I can say that I’ve rested my body, my remaining life on someone I treasure and love most.

I wanted to die in my beh’s arms…

Oh God,I love him so much.His existence and the memories he’d shared with me would always prevail, the love he showed unto me every day of my life…

God, that’s the time you can take all of me…

I’m missin’ you love

**moved from my Mi Amore blog (September 6th, 2005 by shiksa-08)

Chorus:

I’m missin’ you love and you’re not around here

I’m missin’ you love and I’m feelin’ so down in here

I:

I’m scared to wake up one morning w/o you in my arms oh baby

Illusions and nightmares are filling inside of me

It sucks and it’s driving me crazy…(Chorus)

II:

I’m reminiscin’ the times we kissed, we laughed, we cried and we maked out

Same old days and now I’m pissed

This sucks and it’s driving me crazy…(Chorus) (Bridge)

Bridge:

When I tried to look for you around imagining you’re here beside me

I just wanna say to you that I’m missin’ you so…..(Chorus)