FRIEND…

**moved from my Mi Amore blog (October 20th, 2005 by shiksa-08)

Why is it that some people tend to use other people to satisfy themselves? I don’t really understand why they do such a thing when those people they were using believed that in due time this person whom they consider as a "FRIEND" could still change yet they never would. No matter how hard they try, defending their friend’s sides still, it’s worthless. Nothing happens, no confrontations, no realizations, all pretensions even hates you in the end. It is true then that your best friend could also be your worst enemy. All my primary years, I’ve been so alone. Always was but now, not anymore. Finally, I’m done with that nightmare. Yet reminiscing those painful days of my youthful life just pricks the wound that I’ve been carrying all along. Even a single instance that would occur that is similar to my past, hurts me. I’ve just realized that I’m not yet healed. Seeing other people experiencing such a thing tears my heart because I know how painful it is to be in such situation. With no one to turn on to, you never know who’s true and who’s not and you thought everyone can be your friend when they’re not. You feel so cold and helpless and would end up losing your confidence and faith, believing that there would still be someone out there who wants to be your friend. When all this time you’ve tried every possible way just to find one and be one, yet still nothing happens. I’ve been through that and I’ve been bleeding myself dry caused by my unfortunate and hopeless try. Not ’til I was in my highschool, I thought I’d grow old that way, remaining friendless, unwanted, unloved yet my prophecies turned out wrong. I’ve met my friends whom I consider my barkadas, yet there was this time during my 1st yr HS that I’ve met my bestfriend, Jo Marie, I always thought then that she’s the one but then I was soul-stricken when I found out the next yr that she didn’t enroll. Remembering that the last time we’ve seen and talked was in the jeepney, our last ride together from a birthday party. I can’t believe that that was all the end of it, I’ve never heard anything from her anymore. Cellphones weren’t "in" that time, she has no landline. No chance at all. The End. Despite all that happened the remaining friends of mine helped me cope up and overcome the loneliness that I’ve felt from losing my bestfriend. I had so much hanging out with them. Slowly, I’ve felt that I’m not alone, I’ve been surrounded by my true friends. And that’s just matters to me that time. Not being alone. i’m afraid to feel that again. Never wanted to feel that again. Realizing that I never really was alone all this time, SOMEONE was out there for me. So for those who felt like a bum or a loner, don’t fret my friend, you’re not alone, look around, you’ve been surrounded. All you need to do is to be true and be a friend. You never know, the friend that you’re looking for is beside you, could be at your back or in front of you but if you found no one around, look up, He’s there. He won’t leave you, won’t backbite, won’t be a traitor, won’t despise you in the end. He was always there, all this time. You are not alone!!!

What’s with this?! huh?!

**moved from my Mi Amore blog (October 14th, 2005 by shiksa-08)

This hot steamy afternoon i’m in just brings murkiness in me. My thoughts, my feelings, my situation, my studies, my future.

I’ve been so preoccupied lately that my brain isn’t functioning that well. Having thoughts and premonitions bout my failures and how can i ever endure such things when it’s all around. Everywhere to me. All these uncertainties have been lurking in my head all this time, making me go through diff. kinds of feelings. So weird, I can hardly figure out what I’m really up to, been through and speaking here.

Is it just me or the things around me that’s making me insane?! Grotesque it may seem to me, but the beauty behind all this is still hiding that I just can’t take a glimpse of it ’cause of its exclusiveness and not yet prepared. Why can’t I? Or am I just isolating myself from the exposure and is eventually afraid to be on such and feel as such? Why can’t I accept the reality I’m in, all the things underneath it, all the truths and facts disguised in fictions and lies? Hypocrisy, all for the sake of that are merely the things I’m surrounded by. Bull shit! what for?! Selfishness, tang-ina!!! Maniac, gago!!fuck you!! Greediness, mamatay kayong lahat!!! Conflicts, the heck!! All around, how can I swallow all these when I just can’t take a lick of it, can’t take to live with it.. Never!! So painful to think how things became this way and turned to. Where am I gonna place myself, anyway?Center? Puta!!! I’m tired of it!! Always was… never will!

What’s with this? What does all this imply? To live or to die…

To live…that’s how it’s supposed to be.

To die…i’m waiting, but not now.

I’m both hating and loving my life. 51% - loving 49% - hating…

To love….. always for the one I love, I’m gonna live for you.

I’m gonna live for you and with you… I’ll endure.

>>>And here's the comment from Bevs

In My Dreams (own composition)

**moved from my Mi Amore blog (September 16th, 2005 by shiksa-08)

Intro: A-F#m-Bm-D (2x)

I:

A F#m

I’ll always remember our intimacy,

Bm D

when we’re together we’re so clumsy

A F#m

Sometimes you were fooling me around,

Bm D

giving those jokes that makes me astound

A F#m

When I’m with you, I always pretend

Bm D

because you might never understand

A F#m

I can’t figure out what’s within me

Bm D E

if this is love or just stupidity…

Chorus:

A C#m A C#m

In my dreams you’re holding me, in my dreams you are with me

A D A D

I will always love, I will never stop

A C#m A C#m

Forever you’ll be in my heart, you’re the onre for me from the start

A D A D

I will always love, I will never stop

G E

Loving you…

II: (Same chords first verse)

He approached me and told me something

He told me I’m his everything

I was astonished for what I’ve heard

Is he acting like a stupid or a nerd?

So he said that he really loves me

and that we were meant by destiny

I’m so happy that we’re together,

we’ll be sharing our love forever… (Chorus)

Bridge:

G D C#m Bm Bb

Oh how beautiful it is to love and be loved

G D C#m Bm Bb

By someone whom you truly and devotedly love

G D C#m Bm Bb

But when I woke up, I really screamed

G D C#m Bm Bb

I’m so unfortunate that it was just a dream…(Chorus)

Shallow version of goodbye

**moved from my Mi Amore blog (September 14th, 2005 by shiksa-08)

In every good night…

….these arms doesn’t want to let go,

….this lips asks for more,

….these tears wants to fall,

….these won’t happen afterall

Oh you, shallow version of goodbye…

….long talks are to be made short,

….great moments have gone and passed by,

….now that the time is almost over

….my heart beats a million times

….i gave myself a sigh

it’s over now, it’s over now, it’s over for now…